Be True to Yourself...and Keep it Moving

Kim Says, 'Keep It Moving.'

QUESTION:
Right now I am in conflict with who I believe I'm supposed to be and who I want to be...I got my master's and I got a job as soon as I graduated. I moved to the city I've been wanting to live in since I was 17 and I thought with all of this everything is supposed to fall into place...WRONG! There's a part of me that wants to break free and travel and have experiences and 'find myself' instead of just doing the next logical step in becoming a product member of society. This pressure also comes from my family who doesn't understand my need to figure it out. So, I guess my question is, do I stay on the straight and narrow or do I blaze a path?

KIM Says:
KIM has an answer and it's to blaze a new trail. You should travel because it's about having those life moments with no regrets that make great stories to share with family and friends. Only until you do something different will you become authentic. And the part of you that wants to 'break free' is the other part that makes you whole. So if you suppress it for too long you can form disappointment or depression. And then you get into medicalizing or finding other ways to handle this incompleteness which creates another wirlwind of problems e.g. wrong mates, untimely pregnancies, wrong job, and just unhappiness.

You shouldn't want to join the 'rest of society.' That's like living a mediocre hum-drum life on the mainstream highway. How boring? How pitiful and shame? Think about like this...do you think that your mom birthed you to just live a hum-drum life. I am not trying to get preachhy, but...do you think that God brought you into this world to be 'mediocre?' Surely you can see the possibility of your life as a blessing and spread blessings to others.

Otherwise, if you live an incomplete, unfulfilled, and unhappy life, how can you be a blessing to anyone and including yourself. So the unhappiness that you have becomes reflected in your mannerisms, your beliefs, your comments and the way you react to others. There is nothing positive about this. So it's all about prevention. Nip it the bud and actively seek for a better way and a better life. You must know that you can regain control of the wheel of life and enjoy the ride.

Your situation speaks like that of many others before you...including myself. The best poem that captures what you are going through is an old time classic,"The Road Not Taken," by Robert Frost. When growing up most of us have been giving a map on how to live life, however once we follow it we come to a fork in a road and don't know where to turn.

At this moment, you are tested to see if you can be true to yourself. Or will you allow someone or something to 'misguide' you on your road of life? Everyone hits this juncture (pothole) in life. This is your test of leadership and ability to navigate around the potholes. You can choose turn the wheel (active) or do nothing and hit the hole (passive) in making the decision of your lifetime.

Moments like what you are experiencing are 'road markers.' They don't have to be your defining moment if you keep it moving but can be an important indicator of where we are in our lives. Know that the only change is constant. So stay true to yourself and be different.

You won't regret it. Because it's about living your life's journey not just meeting the final destination. And who say's you will make it to the end?

So all you can do is 'do you.' That's all you can do. So 'keep it moving.'

And about your family, though we care for and listen to our families who can provide some good sage advice, sometimes when there are moments they can't speak to because it represents a growth in the family tree. You represent a new leadership...a new legacy for your family. So sometimes they can't and won't understand and that's where you additional support network comes into play...your sisterfriends, classmates, sorority sisters, peer mentor, whom ever you value their wise, honest and unbiased opinion.

Think about what it means to be a leader...it starts with what you do for yourself before helping anyone else. Picture yourself on top of the mountain with a view as far as can see. You climbed up your ancestral rock (the backs of your family) to get to the top. There's no one else besides neighboring mountains (your classmates or friends) in the distance. So this is your first and many moments to come to build your road to happiness. And when you do others (good company) can appreciate that will be driving next to you.

I recommend you to check out the following sites for more insightful tips:

• Be True to Yourself: Articles on Self-Help
• Quotes on Be True to Yourself
• Rules of the Road: Fundamentals by March of Dimes
• True to Yourself by Mark Albion on developing a personal values-based business

I am sure we will revisit 'being true to yourself,' because I believe at the heart of hearts that when people don't take control of their lives, they might as well be tumbling fireballss yielding self-destruction and catching other cars (people)
on fire in the process.

When people second guess or don't make decisions that they are comfortable with, crisis will happen and not in a vacuum. Other people will be harmed whether it be your soon-to-be husband in the form of cheating and the children who see it, or your job, because you didn't speak your truth to yourself first and early on and then outwardly to others. So decisions that may feel tough can be quite simple and make a positive impact down the road. So again keep it moving.

Signing off,

KIM

Send feedback or a question on this column to sayskim@gmail.com.